Good bye 2009… time to throw all old, dirty linen away… time for a brand new wardrobe…

This year has been hectic, short, mind boggling and irritating… this is one rare occasion where I admit, I learnt lot of things… maybe I grew up so I’m learning or maybe my senseless head is struck by a little bit of sensibility finally…

Year 2009 started like just another day, going to office then thrilled coz it was half day… my first task on Jan 1^st was to buy my sweet sis a b’day gift as she was a depressed 16 year old that day… it was all usual stuff, work, assignments, friends and Leo… the aunty at my workplace became my inspiration…, inspiration to life… she made me think, most of the time she challenged the way I think… which got me always think about the insight and darker side and certain views of anything…

Osh got married in April, but we celebrated the joy of wedding way before April… we were counting days, we were excited, talking on phone for hours… although it was just one day, for us it was an occasion of several months…

I changed my workplace to a better one (well that’s atleast what I thought) however much loyal I’m to any place I work for, the feeling of “your own” never touched me like I was at Ronique… People like Shamilal & Kanchana still manage to be my favourite bosses all along… (tragic but true) Much as a mess it was strangely it was easier than before to deal with impossible people in impossible manners… Maybe finally I have managed to learn the art of diplomacy to listen with patience to people like Jenny, Sampath, Shyama & Stanley (thanks to all these blooming trainers I practice my patience everyday)

But neither my art of diplomacy nor patience ticked right when working with Leos… which always reminded me of my usual rebellion self… Maybe coz I considered them friends more than anything, it hit me losing control always. Obviously some people like Chethaka & Sangeeth were “non-existent” I never bothered about their presence in the first place to be bothered about their actions… but it hurt me bad when people I loved like buddima treated me like shit, it was un-expected and never in million years expected by someone like him… More than everything it hurts to see years of friendship in trash just for some silly reasons linked with some silly people… One thing I’m still grateful for is sorting everything out with Milanka and Das…, I’m still thankful for them for coming and talking to me…, atleast I still had 2 of my most favourite Leos in my life whom I always considered as a sis and a broJ

I got depressed on my birthday and it was very sweet of my friends to give me a sweet surprise... of course since Chathu had told me I wasn’t very surprised, but extremely touched and happy for the effort they went through… well when some friends go out of your life some fill that space by being closer than ever before…

Meeting old friends, meeting old class mates were one hell of a BONUS this year… One of my favourite times was the times we spent when pachee was back… we all have grown up in different ways in different styles, but it still feels insanely the “same” when we meet up…just the same old school days, same loud voices as ever… more than everything when you meet old friends you are hanging on to the memories of the past which you never wanna let go… despite the distance and meeting up “once in a blue moon” it feels great to meet them and this time I cherish them for being a part of my life than ever before…

I have changed in many ways… and strangely have started to accept for people for who they are more than before… Two people have made me think differently this year, one is aunty and the other is someone who is 3500 miles away… thanks to them I’ve learnt looking at life in different ways which blessed me with many realizations this year…

I’m still rude and direct, have actually blocked many people out of my life… some with hurt, some with total negligence but never with guilt… but finally one thing kicha managed to make me realize this year, to delete people who haunt your past… who would not let you go to future with no strings… so finally, despite all arguments I have with kicha I realized the truth he tried to make me see.. so thanks to kicha I’m learning to let go of past and leaving people behind who are not worth sharing a friendship in 2010.

So with all unwanted trash away, next year I have time for the people whom I actually care about… specially my parents, whom I have been neglecting totally….

2010 is scary… it freaks me out… I don’t know what the hell will happen with my job, or career… how life would end up for better or for worse… who will be in my life, who will go out of it… and again reminds me to stick to what my inspiration told me “next year get rid of all the dirty linen… its time for a brand new wardrobe”

Are you worth a second chance?

There is a saying “you never get a second chance to make a first impression” Sometimes second chances work out way better than the first because you learn from your mistakes…

After all life is everything in life is about giving and receiving… you cant expect to receive a chance if you are not ready to GIVE… this also includes yourself…

It’s not easy to give someone a second chance when the first chance is already screwed... screwed up big time… screwed in a way which costs you quite a high price… Sometimes it might be few years or maybe a lifetime…

Life is a learning curve, you make mistakes… you regret… ask for forgiveness and end up doing mistakes again… Sometimes you wish you could re-wind life or press delete button for certain memories so you don’t have a memory of a chance you gave, lost or received... Running away from a memory that haunts you… Desperately trying to distract yourself to forget what you regret doesn’t work all the time… short run yes, but in a longer run it makes you more depressed…

You cant expect another person to give you a second chance if you, yourself is not sure if you are worth it… Running away from an open chance, open opportunity and running away from yourself is pathetic and believe me it doesn’t help anyone in any way…

The only reason they don’t give you another chance is coz they’ve been hurt… betrayed…. And maybe shattered... and sometimes it might be beyond repair... what guarantee do they have to come running behind you that it wont repeat once again.. . How can you guarantee it wont happen again, when you are running away instead of trying to convince…

You pay for your own mistakes, but torturing yourself is stupid and crazy… its high time you get a grip of and stop running away from yourself and think if you are worth a second chance….

Sometimes you might be worth more than you realize… take time, think and see… are you worth a second chance?? then fight for it...

when we go through "The Twenties Crisis"....

When we were in our teens we always thought we are facing the toughest phase in life… of all the things we did our greatest worry was how to load credits to the phone coz we are already broke for the month.. When we reach twenties... we are still broke, irrelevant whether we are earning or not… But the least we are worried about is how much of credit left... Ironically although we spent millions of times at that age looking at the phone thinking “ring dammit ring” now we wish we never had credit and sometimes wish it will stop ringing… Screening calls and conveniently ignoring a ringing phone has become a part of our everyday life…

Suddenly we stop following the trends and fads when we realize it doesn’t suit us… we be bold enough to stand by what we believe in… less influential than we ever were but wondering where we are and what the hell we are doing…

In teens we think falling in love was the greatest thing ever… look forward to experience the greatest feeling in the world.. in twenties we never want to fall in again.. we are terrified of getting hurt like before, but secretly dreaming “maybe that perfect partner would suddenly appear…”

We were confused at that time only about the crushes we had.. but now we are confused about ourselves.. our life.. where it leads and where we want to end up… suddenly we realize we are not strong in our beliefs as we did many years ago. Ambitions we had many years ago are not the same anymore.. We realize the priorities are different than what it used to be and suddenly thinking of all these confuse us…

We suddenly realize we are not strong as we were in your teens, we don’t have faith or belief in ourselves coz we have contradicted ourselves from what we wanted… Ambitions, priorities, likes and dislikes have changed… we feel that we are newly born and growing up…
We remember how we fought with some of our friends vowing ourselves we will never talk back.. Suddenly years later we realize we have given up one of our true real friends up just for some stupid reason… and realize its too late to mend things back coz we have missed many years between our lives..

In teens we always think we are right.. we were so judgmental and full of advice.. we bragged about doing the correct thing in life.. but now we realize that all of us make mistakes, we know we do wrong things, but still do coz that’s what we want to do and accept mistakes of other people as a part of life… sometimes support mistakes without being judgmental…

In teens we were terrified of getting low marks leave aside failing in exam or losing a game.. In twenties we accept failing is a part of life, a part of what we are... and actually grateful for failing coz it made us stronger… and finally when we win, we are genuinely happy for the effort we put in…

We are not afraid of falling to the bottom anymore... coz we have already faced the rock bottom… we try to climb out of it with the strength we have left in life… But like in teens we are still afraid of change... we always wonder how life will change and where it will end up…

Only thing common between then and now is we still laugh a lot… maybe we have learned to laugh through tears better than before… It has come to a point where we still laugh when we are sunk in a world of shit and say “shit happens”
We still try to hang on to our dear old teen age… we still surf through facebook, still making it a habit to sneak peak our most favoured profiles ;) coz we still believe a part of us will always be with us..

We value life for what we blamed in teens… how much of a pathetic cases we ended up in, we value our family, our job, our friends and our life than ever before.. We attempt to hang in there when at times when see everything breaking up… we don’t give up.. we just hang in there accepting life as it comes coz you know its not easy…

We have learned to move on.. to let go… to give up.. to compromise.. to sacrifice… to forgive..to forget.. to love, live and laugh like never before…

its all a part of life in twenties.. quarter life crisis.. ;)

No wonder middle aged people are frustrated.. after all mid life crisis might be at least twice as frustrating as this isn’t it ;)

Once upon a time… my world was all about Stephen Gately….

There is a time in life we get obsessed with a person… Obsessed enough to record his songs, listen to it on and on… then think about how cute he is…

I was just 12 years when I started falling in love with Boyzone… Grade 7 was a crazy time in crazy old days to talk about non stop about your favourite song… “Love me for a Reason” was my favourite song in grade 7 and one of my all time favourites till now… It was when I got obsessed with the cute dark haired guy in Boyzone.. I hated Ronan Keating… I thought it was unfair that he is the lead singer when Steve had the best voice…

The cute guy in Boyzone was my first poster…, my first obsession and my first crush… I always thought backstreet boys were cheap and annoying… it bugged me like nothing when Backstreet Boys made it on top of the charts every week… but tragically almost all my friends liked backstreet boys more… Specially that mushroom idiot nick carter…

I never knew the name of the cute guy is Stephen Gately till I saw the video “Key to my life” I was very insulted and jealous to see him flirting with his teacher… how could he? and in school for a long time, that became a topic… I think rasi and I were the only two loyal fans who argued got pissed off and defended him at that time...

There were times, millions of times we fought over nick carter and Stephen gately… me and nips didn’t speak to each other for sometime because I told her that Nick looked like a girl… and she told me Stephen had a girly voice… But everytime I found a poster or song lyrics of Backstreet Boys I gave them and they found me Posters and lyrics of Boyzone…

I still remember how we all saved pocket money to buy “Smash Hits” mag… How we had a competition of whose song book is the best… and whose poster book was the best… It wasn’t easy to collect song lyrics that time... we had to wait and wait for the Sunday Paper to get lyrics and on Monday it was a fight going on in class about the song…

I was very hurt and heartbroken the day I heard he is GAY.. Obviously nick fans were thrilled to hear the news… but still we never believed it… I still don’t.. he he

That I can see
A change in me
But I won't go back cause that's behind me
And after all
Strong words are spoken
My heart will never be, never be, never be
Never be...

Isn't it a wonder
As a new born baby cries
Isn't it a wonder
With the sweetness in my eyes
And isn't it a wonder
On the crossroads of my life
Isn't it a wonder
Isn't it a wonder to me….

This note is for all the memories he brought to my mind when I heard the shocking news… and to all my crazy friends who shared the crazy memories waaay down the memory lane… love you all…

its all about moving on...

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.”

Everyday life moves on, its either from yesterday to tomorrow... or from your ex or maybe from your own self.. I see many status updates daily on facebook about moving... Its either moving to a new place or moving on from something which is hard to leave behind...

It doesn't matter from where you move, either from Florida to DC or SL to Melbourne. Or might be your current job to a new one. What makes it tough is the decision you made to move... People struggle hard when it comes to make decisions.., of shifting a mindset from what it is to another... Differentiating your thoughts and analyzing the facts without going on with the same process of thinking, which takes effort and time.. Believe me it can stress you out like never before...

At most times its difficult to move on although you have no option left.. Sometimes the hardest is to move away from people you care about (atleast that's what everyone says)but when you actually have to do that in practice it sucks big time.. I give long lectures to friends of mine who were struggling to move on from people, people they love, which reminds me that i really really should practice what i preach...

Who says its the hardest to move on from only people you have known for a long time.. If that's the case, i should be shot dead (yes, my friends are in the process)
Sometimes in life you do the weirdest things... In my defense, you never feel butterflies in your stomach for people you've known for a long time right?

There are times we do open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But that always gives a comfortable feeling and homely so you never ever rarely want to move on...

But sometimes you get the most exciting, most challenging and most magical feeling on earth for someone you've just known for few hours... Is that magic? or just illusion which i have never experienced before... After all is it possible to feel a magic 3500 miles away...?

My friends are right, I should be doing what a normal person does...What a normal intelligent, sensible person does... i should MOVE ON!!!

coz,
Love can sometimes be magic...But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion...

chocolate vs butterscotch???

Remember when chocolate was your favourite ice cream? You love the rich taste and eat a bowl full although it gives you a severe migraine later on... People say Vanilla is the best but you hate it.. It’s too sweet and boring to switch from chocolate...One day you’re given a choice between Vanilla and strawberry... you don’t know how strawberry is like, but chose it over vanilla and realize its awful... Now since you chose it you have to eat the entire bowl anyway...

Wish you had vanilla instead? You already know the taste… At least it doesn't want to make you puke like strawberry does...you regret the fact you went for the pink flavour which you thought would be better than vanilla... But apart from the yucky taste what you hate most is the surprising little chunks of strawberry you get in middle...

Sometimes exploring opportunities is good. Sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes it’s horrifying. But you will never know how it will be unless you explore...

You will be stuck in a world of chocolate not knowing its the best if you wont taste vanilla and strawberry...

Then suddenly you taste butterscotch... You are amazed with the creamy taste plus it has caramel sauce on top of it with nuts... And the best part is, it doesn't give you that killer migraine… wonder what a fool you were to stick to chocolate, when you had that perfect perfect taste... will you still eat chocolate as a habit? i don't think so...

Some habits are inevitable. Some are not. Some are optional to change. What makes it hard is to realize the difference in between...

When you chose butterscotch over chocolate, does it mean you love butterscotch more? No, you are still that girl in the chocolate world...

Maybe there are times you don't always have to choose what you love most... you need to choose the best which suits you depending on where you stand..

You are still that chocolate girl who eats butterscotch…

Your favourite? is still chocolate...

What happens when you taste chocolate chip mint?????

life is a POLL where you have to vote between choices. Voting is easy... only if you know what to DECIDE...

"Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide." Napoleon Bonaparte once said. If you ask me who Napoleon is I might be confused and look stupid, but i whole heatedly agree to what he says.

When we were kids, we didn't have to make decisions; maybe that's why life was easy. The biggest worry at that time was which ice cream you need to eat during interval. Sometimes the whole morning can be spent on the decision of what you should eat. (that's for ice cream freaks like me;) when you grow up you have to make decisions, it sucks when you have to make decisions about PEOPLE.
After all, life is a POLL where you have to vote between choices. Voting is easy... only if you know what to DECIDE...

Sometimes decisions can be stupid, confusing and horrifying. Whom you should be friends with, whom you should select to continue friendships with, whom you should confide in, should you quit your job... sometimes you have to shut down people from your life. When you have to do that with people whom you were friends with, believe me it can be the toughest thing to do. But sometimes to move on, to be happy you need to shut down certain people out of your life.

There is a misconception among us that only weak people turn down chances without accepting, it is a weakness to reject and shut down. Always the "positive" decision is considered as the best one. But everyone forgets how hard it is to make the less favored decision (in the eyes of the world) and live with it.

When Sonia Ghandi turned down the position of the post of Prime Minister in India in 2004, Lot of expertise people said different things. She turned down the most powerful position in India. The most powerful position of which most people would die to have, and that exactly is where her STRENGTH lies in. Strength to deny the most powerful position, to lead a nation…

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must decide your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you how wrong you are? Or will you just run away? Will you be honored by your choice?
"Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love"

Sometimes we need to accept decisions of others and respect them. It doesn't necessarily have to be the correct decision in our mind set, people think differently. After all it takes lot of thought, courage and effort for one to make a decision and stand by it. The rest of us should support without being judgmental…

One Country... One Nation... why cant all Sri Lankans feel the same?

i never believed in political parties... my first vote was in 2005, presidential election... i voted for Mahinda, simply because i didn't want to vote for a joker and believed that who ever i vote for should be a person whom i can respect... most of the people around me are UNP, argued and tried to convince me, mock at me or laugh when i said im voting for the current President. Today i'm more than glad for NOT voting a joker or a traitor who goes and conducts peace talks with Norway when his own country is celebrating...

I have friends who say, celebrations are way too much and people are crazy to dance around like this... But isn’t that because no one cares even to look back to think of the terror and tension most of the citizens in this country faced...For the past two years thousands of soldiers died, thousands of homes were funeral houses, with more than millions of people filled with tension when listening to news everyday to hear the situation in North... Most of us are lucky, we have vehicles, never go in buses or trains and have mobiles with us, and were only worried about the economy in the country and how business gets affected; some left the country is because they wanted a "better life"...

But in the same country there were millions of people who were scared to death till their families come home because in Sri Lanka, most of us still go by bus and trains and don’t have mobiles... They, the true Sri Lankans Celebrate today... they make kiribath, take national flags, light crackers and dance in the streets... they had tears in their eyes when they celebrate because more than most of us, they suffered from terrorism and fear and they know how it feels to be FREE today..

The upper middle class along with upper social elite consists of 28% of the population in this country... That 28% represents the best in the business world, the best in professionals and the best in education... Why is it so hard for the "best" to take a moment to be happy and smile at the rest of US who are truly happy and celebrating... Why cant they just give credit to the forces who sacrificed their lives to make today a reality…. all talks of DNA reports being false and prabakaran is still alive and the government bluffing is fine and accepted if they are LTTE supporters... But as true Sri Lankans who were born and raised should owe this country at least to keep their mouths shut!!!

Whatever the talks were in town, President should be given credit for being a leader who had the strength to reject all influences and threats which came his way from strong and dynamic countries.. Its amazing how he could stand by the decision he made despite all contrivances created around the world.. Praise needs to be given where it’s needed irrelevant of the parties... It was very shameful to see many opposition leaders saying various things insulting the forces at parliament premises which were rapidly followed by the rest of the so called "BEST" in this country...

Why Sri Lanka is not developed today, is NOT only coz of the war which was there for the past 3 decades. It was also coz there are many egoistic pigs out of the 28% who always believe in one belief, deaf to others and never gives credit for what it deserves. They say "change is inevitable" but looks like some % of SL still don’t know how to adopt and at least try to THINK about someone else apart from themselves for a change!!!

This country is never going to get developed as long as MYSELF comes before MY COUNTRY & MY NATION...

When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?

“Why is it that we only seem to believe the negative things people say about us, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary? A neighbor, a face, an ex-boyfriend can cancel out everything we thought was once true. Odd, but when it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?”

How often does what others say about you matter? Most of the times, when we hear something good about us, we feel good and when we hear something wonderful, we feel flattered. Apart from feeling great always the thought behind all the flattery is “ok whats going on?”

I have been a person who always welcome constructive criticism (lets say most of the times) and have been a person who only thinks compliments are 100% genuine when its from someone who really cares about you… when the rest of the world compliment, well either there is a need to start a conversation or a favour or its just a part of a simple gesture.. (how do I know this? Coz I do it all the time to strangers… wink… well it should be at least 70% true. So no harm in a 30% of exaggeration right?) Also I have this ugly habit of being bluntly honest to the people whom I care about most… My dad still doesn’t get me, when I give my honest opinion he thinks I see fault in everything and gets all DEFENSIVE. But that’s not the case, its better to hear it from your daughter than hearing it from a complete stranger… I’m lucky atleast most of the people around me think the same way I do.

What happens when you are being given the worst review? Knowingly or unknowingly we tend to believe it atleast a little bit… My question is how much affected are you from it? if its LOVE and if it comes from a loved one of yours, it is really difficult to absorb and forget… I’ve seen people take ages to get over the things which has been said irrelevant of the % of honesty in it. Sometimes you never get over certain stuff which has been told to you. Is it because we believe the worst review on us or is it the person who gave us the review?

How much affected are we going to be on it? are we going to change ourselves for the worst review despite of all great ones you received? Then matters the person who gave the worst review and the reasoning behind it. If that person is close, then fine we have to deal with it. If not, who has the right to be so judgmental on someone else’s life? Earth is full of homo sapiens and the difference I see between them and animals are that animals never judge someone else’s life…

When the worst review is given, although you believe the best is to clear how well the judge knows you. How well the facts are taken into consideration in being judgmental (I mean facts not rumors) If 90% of the judges are being optimistic and 10% pessimistic (worst case scenario), with consideration on how much the judge has absorbed YOU, forget the 10%. After all in a world of oxygen being 78% and still living on, who cares about a shitty 10% of bad reviews???

“Are we being too quick to judge judgment? Maybe judgment is not so much a snap decision as an early warning and detection device. If it is instantly clear that a person, a place, or even a profession is not for you, is it better to ignore your better judgment and believe the worst? Or, should you judge a book by it's cover?”

its oshani's BIG day.....

prologue

we have dreamed about the perfect wedding in the perfect dress ever since we saw the first wedding in life….

Not knowing the meaning of the word WEDDING, we played “THE BIG WEDDING” with our favourite dolls and teddy bears, when we started growing up we still used to play with Barbie and ken….

Later when we started realizing little by little what it meant, we started loving the dream more and dreamt of every detail even more….

Today is your dream day, the favourite day u waited for so long is finally here…

Today you will walk down the aisle with HIM to share the rest of your life together…

you will change your name today, your father will be giving you away…

and u will be building your own home from today…

things will change and will never be the same as it used to be but only better…

in one corner of your heart u will miss ur life u had for the past 24 years…, memories will cherish our favourite & funniest moments in life which we spent as best friends together…..

epilogue

I said we dreamed of the perfect day with the perfect man... but boom.. it is one hell right out there... not the marriage, but everything u have to do to make the BIG DAY perfect...

Lots of running up and down, specially IF the lift is broken... or u have this notion that it might break down on your best friend's wedding and u will be trapped inside... (not that I'm always crazy but that lift was very antique: so couldn’t take the risk)

Non stop photography and making sure u SMILE to each one of it, wearing a skin tight saree jacket which u cant breath in… and the list goes on… but at the end of the day, I look at my friend who is very happy and glowing.. and I realized maybe its worth it… worth the effort to make that dream come true… it was self fulfilling even for all of us who were close with the couple watching them say “I do”….

Later that day I got to think about love, marriage and relationships. True I don’t have much experience to talk about it: but I’ve seen many go steady, fall apart, building back and so forth. Some u just know when u see it, that “its meant to be” and most of the time with yourself and your closest friends your GUT feeling or notion becomes just correct. Like to the two who just got married. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the U, you love, well, that's just fabulous.

“Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so does everything, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, just a phone call away”

Lessons learnt...

Tom Bodett once said “The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson” I have no clue who Tom is but this quote kept haunting in my head and kept me wondering about some of the lessons I’ve learnt in life recently…

Sometimes the silent is the best way to answer… Talking and arguing will work only if the same mentality is shared, if the levels of thinking differs from the changes of perception arguing or reasoning would not work at all… some people say “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool then to speak out and remove all doubt”

Sometimes When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. We feel that we can be rude and moody to the people whom we are very close with and they will understand.. But why hurt someone you care about? I’ve realized if you feel crappy about something and have to dump it on somebody who is a complete stranger… Don’t hurt the ones you care for, you never know how deep you have hurt them and by the time you feel guilty and try to mend, its too late…

Sometimes you always have to keep proving yourself constantly to people for them to have faith and belief in you… But I’ve realized the best way is not to bother to prove yourself right for people who cant trust you and understand you.. People who do not trust you never will, and who wouldn’t make the effort to understand will never understand either… Unless that person is truly valuable for you where you have to go that extra mile to clear the doubts…

Sometimes the hardest thing is to LET GO… letting go of someone seems difficult and takes away more time for us to recover, and probably all the energy we have... But if that person makes a move to go, then you have no right to stop… Coz everybody has a right to make their own move… similar to the quote “If you love something set it free if it comes back its yours if not it was never meant to be” (not always true) I’d say if you love something hang on to it till it decides to be free… LOL.. the day it decides to be free you have no choice than letting it free..

Sometimes we always make the extra effort to be nice to complete strangers… why bother? (I mean its wonderful to be nice for everybody: I meant for exceptional cases like me who cant make the effort to be nice to everybody) I’ve realized make that extra effort to the ones you love and care for… True that there is a chance they might take you for granted but after all its worth all the effort…

Sometimes pride overrules love??? All my friends say this to me but I guess I still haven’t learnt my lesson for this… “It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride”
People who know me well will say that I need to practice what I preach… and agreed whole heartedly… But sometimes it needs to hit you on the head to learn the lesson…

cHaOs WiTh LeOs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last September, things were great (i was thinking of using the word PERFECT, but things were never perfect with us: not in a bad way but who can expect perfection from a bunch of crazy nut cases???) What happened afterwards? Bites me...

Punctuality was never a key-word among us Leos, but being fashionably late was getting irritable with only few people working on time (the only few who worked on time followed the trend of being LATE) waste of time and effort reached its highest level and at certain times i realized its not only effort and time but my commitment has gone to the bin too...

The capacities of us are different, i'm not over-estimating ourselves but i feel the team we have is extraordinary and are blessed with many talents. We just need to put them right across to one FOCUS and sure we can do wonders. (I don't think many know that most clubs really envy us:) god knows for what reason but i always felt cos the bond we had within us which was truly seen by anyone who knew us)

What lies beneath and what really happened still bugs me. Most of us decided & made judgments after the project in December: the carols. i.e. when i realized that the commitment given by everyone is not the SAME. Like i said before we're of different talents and we have different ways of doing things but to work as a team we need the commitment EQUALLY. It may not necessarily be 100% but even if it is 50%, everybody should put in their 50%.

I still don't understand why i was accused of being a "de-motivation" to others where as i did my part for the project. I promised to find places to go and i found places where we can go and sing. (correct me if i'm wrong) But if everyone needs to do everything then it is everybody's responsibility to find places to go too... and hey what about our Leos who never came for the project? Credit for Mal for balancing both ends perfectly. Might as well accuse Shehari for NOT driving Chamal's van & me for not playing the guitar.

The understanding between us has gone to hell and i feel that everybody started believing EVERYTHING they hear. Why cant we just take the chance to clarify or give the benefit of doubt to the person we know well? (its just one call away: and all of us use either dialog or mobitel which costs only few rupees- except for Chamal who uses AIRTEL) why give a chance for misunderstandings when we all know 2 languages we can communicate with...

It really didn't take much time for the so called BOND we shared break down to pieces. Which always made me think why? i know that several people talked behind my back but was extra sweet and special to my face. Is it that the person who gives information is a backstabber or the rest has two faces? (i'm still wondering) In the short run, when someone told me about someone else, i've been hurt & confused. I've been friends with almost all and there are few whom i really care about & consider close. Judging behaviors of both the sectors, I had two options. (A) believe what i hear and screw my relationships with others (B) Dont give a shit to what they say, be-myself and keep up the friendship. Its very easy to go for (A) but after lots of thinking i realized in the macro sense NOTHING is worth ruining the friendship you have with people you care about. So i chose option (B)

What would you go for (A) or (B)? the choice is yours...

Why don’t humans eat their own children?

This was some question I’ve heard somewhere, don’t ask me where, I can’t remember. It seriously made me think… WHY?

Humans eat all kinds of flesh of animals, so do animals. We kill animals, also kill other human beings for various reasons, then why don’t they eat their own children like many animals do? (Humans eat their kids literary what I mean is in physical terms)

Is it because humans are blessed with brains and Intelligence or because they simply have the power to think twice before they do actually do something which is a crime. Or is it because only humans are blessed with the feeling of guilt and regret which animals don’t have. (Well my dog did, and I never considered him as an animal: he was family)

A friend of mine told me that humans might eat their own children for survival if there is nothing else left but what matters is the thought of killing. A human gives birth to a child after 9 months which is the longest time period comparing with other animals. The 9 months of hope, expectations and love does not allow someone to kill their own kith with all trouble gone through.

Humans have millions of expectations from their own children, from the time they are born till and after they get married... During most instances they live their life through their children. If they had grown through hardships of life, the goals and dreams which could not be attained are passed to your own children for them to achieve. No its not selfishness its what they think is BEST which could not be achieved by them should now be achieved by their own children.

The satisfaction gained by parents seeing their own children growing up, experiencing life and succeeding is much more valuable than the physical need or satisfaction.

Changes are chances in life which we accept or leave behind....

Why do people change? at certain times, we tend to take decisions and change because we have no choice, because we want to or cos we have to... Most of the time I have changed cos I've grown up with time, with reality and with experience... If change is something which needs to happen, why do we always hear "you have changed!!! you are not the same person I used to know anymore" Is it because only you have changed and it is hard for people around you to adopt for the change you have gone through???

The change is always seen or felt by people around you BUT it cannot be accepted by many. Is it coz you expect that person to be something which you portray in your mind? and when it doesn't fit that frame, automatically we reject the change unconsciously or that you are so much used to that person you just cant adopt yourself to that change? It doesn't have to be the person you are in love with but even when your best friend changes, you can't take it anymore.. the phrase "we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change" is applicable for everyone you deal with in life.. (well maybe not people whom we consider non existent: for my own benefit there is a category of people who are Non existent and I honestly don't care what they do or say except they die or something)

I have been hurt many times when people whom I love changed... Slowly but painfully I've started to accept it and love them the same way I used to do before (or even more).... Sometimes accepting changes and dealing with reality has a high price: sometimes it is hard to afford... I always think change comes in with risk and it is your choice after all whether to accept it or not?? Everybody talks about compromising & sacrificing. But if you really love a person, you just accept the changes that come your way and accept the person for what s/he changes to be...

Taking the chance, accepting changes and going on with it is your choice...Taking the risk might make you fail but leaving behind might make you regret. It is a risk and after all its your choice (most of the time unless you are blackmailed) We think we know the ones we love in & out... Knowingly or unknowingly they change & so do we...

After all life is a game of change and chance... whether you take the chance or leave it, the choice is yours..