3 DON’Ts on social media grieving in Sri Lanka

Thank god we didn’t have Facebook or offensive meme’s in 1996. We celebrated world cup victory in the most joyous sweetest possible way. Why? Because no one gave OPINIONS on cricketers or batting styles or the pitch. Whilst the social media culture is such that everyone finds humor in insulting others, now it is a trend to grieve on social media: here are few DON’T’s to follow.

1.       1. Updating pictures of corpses/open caskets

This usually is posted by some random person obviously not immediate family or a close friend. It usually has a statement too, ‘’I miss you maami’’

Trust me, no uncle wouldn’t want the entire cyber world to miss her like that. Not with a picture of his open casket. How many times do people edit pictures on apps before uploading a selfie? Reason: you want to look your best !

So why do you think someone else want themselves to be posted like that?

2.       2. RIP on the wall of deceased or tagging the deceased

Does the family know? Does his or her siblings/children who might be studying overseas know? No one wants to wake up to a Facebook status of a close friend or relative passing away.

Do your background check first !

You might be shocked ! you might be devastated ! guess what, so are their families.

Let them post first. Let them grieve first. Let them accept the harsh reality first.

Then post, something respectable, true and memorable.

3.      3.  Suicide updates and gossip : ‘what if’ and ‘what might have been’

The truth is you wouldn’t know and you never will. So don’t assume and don’t imagine. Don’t share gossip articles with your own opinion of how silly/stupid she or he was. Remember all these posts can be viewed and shared. Do you want to hurt a grieving family or loved ones with your nasty opinions? Spreading gossip of the deceased is just inhuman, remember : they are not there to defend themselves !

Depression is a common disorder anyone could have, anyone can be the next victim. Be more supportive.

It is great that you have a social media account and you are active on it. Move with the times and trends. But when you give your opinion, be truthful, be careful and most importantly be human.

Romali... she Lived . Laughed . Loved... beyond measures, beyond boundaries

There was this phase where I used to write about my best friends, one day Roma told me ‘’write about me after you finished writing about all your best friends, or they will hate me !’’

I wish you could read this Rom, this is to you Dinali De Silva and everyone else who love her !

If Romali saw all these posts on FB she would tell us ‘’oh gosh don’t be so dramatic’’ she would do that famous eyeroll of hers too you know.

‘Romali was beautiful’ is an understatement. She was breathtakingly gorgeous. Someone once told me that she looks like Priyanka Chopra. ‘’Hell no, she is way more hotter’’ someone else who had a crush on her said. The beauty of it is, she didn’t know how gorgeous she was. Sometimes she was genuinely surprised when someone pays her a compliment. She used to blush when someone says she looks good. She was not that Barbie type of girl who would give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek and say ‘’hello !’’. She was a tomboy. She would punch you, hit you, squeeze you or bite you, then will tell you she loves you. She was very mischievous and extremely naughty, I don’t think you can find a picture where she has posed with a poised smile (Okay maybe except her LinkedIN picture) She would widen her eyes, or wink and stick her tongue out for a picture. Her signature pose, we called it. Some days when she used to come to work late and I give her a good lecture, she apologizes. She is not one of those people who justify. When she did something wrong she was guilty. And she just didn’t stay guilty, she went beyond measures to fix it. Whenever she had a deadline at work, she used to send me emails at 1am or 2am at night. She does what has to be done, no excuses.

She was so unpredictable, you didn’t know what she was up to. She followed her heart all the time, never thought about consequences which got her millions of lectures by everyone who loved her. One day she suddenly messaged me on Whatsapp. (And yes she was 24/7 on whatsapp) ‘ I got a tattoo yesterday, don’t tell anyone’ Imagining aunty’s reaction I was like ‘aunty knows?’, ‘no they don’t, I hope they won’t find it out anytime soon’ I think aunty would be the best person to tell this story coz obviously this action of hers got her into a dramatic chaos at home. The tattoo was a trademark and tagline of Romali. Live. Love. Laugh. Romali was full of emotion. She tells you what she feels exactly, nothing more nothing less. She is crazy, one of the healthiest appetites in Colombo, she eats when she needs to and diets when she wants to. Once we received a voucher for a cinnamon buffet lunch at work, and man she did justice. She told me when I was struggling with a plate of pasta, ‘you should never go eat in a buffet men, such a waste you are’ then the next week she diets. And when she does, she goes all out. Sticks to salads. Once we tried doing this ‘fruit flush diet’ at office and she was the only one who continued it till the end. Her level of discipline surprises me. She was never one of those princess type girls, Romali was a gym addict. She loved her workouts. Oh and she is a great cook. Not to make sandwiches, but the real stuff. She used to make this biriyani and butter chicken which I used to love.

She loved her life, she loved going out, checking new places and restaurants. She loved her parties and dancing. Once she called me a ‘party watcher’ saying I don’t have enough fun at parties. One of my favourite things about her was her subtle sarcasm and her sense of humor. The best part of it was that she could laugh at herself. And she did.

Behind the rebellious, mischievous, cheeky girl was a responsible, compassionate, caring soul. If you look closely, you see her mother through her. You will see her beautiful heart. Romali was a giver, she was generous, she was compassionate and extremely affectionate. Her affection and love to everyone she cared about was visible within her whatsapp messages, random hugs she gave, calling ‘fatty’, selfies she takes with them… or she might just say ‘you are such a fool’

She was my crazy little sister, an amazing friend, that one person whome i could count on. She was a person who never judged me, but only loved me.

She was my person...

Romali, Roman, Roma, Goms, Rom, Ro….

LIVED every moment, LAUGHED everyday, LOVED beyond limits….

We love you Romali…

We will LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. unconditionally… and every time we do, we will think of you…