To all you single ladies.... why you shouldn't just SETTLE !

I’ve gone through it all, the hustle and bustle of being a Lankan girl. I've had the Lankan aunties and uncles going 'ill find you a nice boy' phase, 'why still single' phase and now I’m going through the 'have a baby soon’ phase. There was one aunty telling me ෂාහ් රුක් ඛාන් ල වගේ නටන්න පුළුවන් මිනිස්සු හම්බවෙන්නේ නැ . උයන්න පුළුවන් හුස්බන්ඩ් ල හීනෙන් තමයි. So basically she told me to settle with whoever who came my way.

Then there was one who told me that height doesn’t matter, her argument was that generally Sri Lankan men are short, so I should marry a short Sri Lankan man. Someone told me that romantic guys don’t exist, they only exist in hindi movies and I should stop watching these nonsense.

For the record I never wanted a 6 footer, neither I wanted a man who is like Shah Rukh Khan. He is a 50+ plus year old man romancing twenty year old girls on screen, who on their right minds want to marry that? But I think somewhere down the line god must have felt extremely sorry for me for listening to all these bullshit so gave me a romantic husband who can cook damn well.

Many might argue with me on this, but I think the generation before us was the most messed up generation. They settled in their marriages, believed that women should settle at a certain age, or their biological clock goes bonkers, should listen to their husbands or boyfriends who take you for granted and then have a big wedding and marry soon without wasting time. I know many who have done this and ended up in divorces. Marrying the wrong person can make you feel lonelier than you ever were. No man or woman can make you happy unless you are with your life. That is the universal truth.

There are different phases in twenties and thirties, that single ones come across, and dealing with it without letting it get to you is the only way out. No one, should marry for the sake of marrying, trust me you are better off single unless you find that person you absolutely love and want to spend the rest of your life with. I've met some amazing people who are very happy staying single, I always envied them. 

I will find a niceeee boy for you

This depends on where you are in life, if you feel that you are emotionally ready to get married and be open to meet a few guys, let them try. There is no harm. There was this one time when I was single for a long time when aunties went ‘ඇත්තටම කව්රුත් නැද්ද’ My reply was ‘නෑ aunty හොයල දෙන්නකෝ’ as a joke but some took it very seriously :P and one gave me the whole shah rukh khan type talk.

Proposals do work most of the time

If your parents, aunts uncles and the entire world are looking for proposals, let them. Don’t be stressed, no one will force you to marry someone. If you have watched ‘Love is blind’, ‘Too hot to handle’ or ‘Married at first sight’ on Netflix you will understand  even in the western world, that many people crave for relationships, ready to explore with an open mind and there are people who are ready to get married. So don’t be ashamed, it can be torture sometimes, but do it with an open mind, you can always talk about them to your girl gang jokingly if it turns out to be horrible.

Biological clock is ticking !

Please don’t marry because you are aging, or someone has a timeline as to when you should have kids. Kids are extremely expensive, hard work and a lot of energy. Unless you and your partner are ready for this, don’t do it for the sake of doing it. The kid doesn’t deserve it, last thing a child want is unhappy frustrated parents to grow up to.

Don’t settle for the sake of settling

If you have a partner and it is not heading towards marriage, don’t force it. A man or a woman, absolutely have to be ready to be married. Those tiny quirks and the habits you notice while you date, are going to magnify when you are married. You have to be ready for all of it, it is not as rosy as it looks but with the right person it can be easy and pretty great too. You both need to be on the same page with this, you cannot rush a marriage, the ones who do have ended up in disasters because parents have pushed them to get married soon. No one is going to live with them but you, that person will be there for you through sickness, pay cuts, covid anxiety to all of it, so don’t do it to satisfy anyone else. But if you too have a timeline in your head and your partner doesn’t seem ready ever, then that’s something to address.

They won’t change after marriage

We are in the 21^st century, yes it is nice to have someone to share your life with, it can be hell if it is not the right person. But you cannot change a person after you marry them, if there are life threatening habits yes you can force a person, but otherwise they will only change if they absolutely want to and most likely, it won’t happen according to your plan or timeline. Certain things will never change.

Be happy with yourself; find happiness within, your career, your looks, your life. Be open minded for a relationship, relationships in thirties work more because you know what makes you tick and what makes you happy. If you find a partner in the right mindset, miracles and fairytales will happen. You both need to be with the right mindset at the right time. Mills and Boons stories, hindi movie plots, Netflix rom-coms… all these were created based on true stories, your love story might be right around the corner, so wait for it.

Don’t settle !