Being in our thirties, my husband and me have had been through 'taken for granted', being cushioned, being played out in our twenties in past relationships. Sometimes over a drink, when we have a chat about our past, I always wonder why didn’t we end up together few years before. We had to go through the rough patches, to tough stretches to maybe value each other more. We are grateful to god, good karma, and thanks to many other idiots, we are together today. But then you see people taken for granted, being played out… where you wish, so wish that you could blurt it out loud and say ‘honey you are being used, get out of that relationship’ but you cant. Because they themselves have to realise it, see it on their own and call it off.

What are these signs? It definitely may differ from person to person and from what you expect out of a relationship, but some are common for us all.

1. Cushion, cushioned, cushioning !

''Nothing is sexier than a man or woman who can face temptation and have the level of maturity to say ‘this isn’t worth losing what I have’’

Cushioning is doing exactly opposite. Cushioning is having many side kicks to keep you comfy and cushy. They have layers of cushions, someone to message on social media with, someone to chat with, someone to talk on the phone with, someone to be intimate with… the list can go on. Some people cushion early in a relationship, when things are still uncertain, but the worst cases happen when someone can do it when they are in a serious relationship.

2. Bread-crumbing !

I’m sure we all have come across being breadcrumbs at some point. Flirty, fun, casual texts and social media reactions to give you a subtle hint that they might be interested in you but doesn’t take it forward, and some might have a perfect couple picture on social media. So yes, if someone is breadcrumbing you, just bring it openly to the table. There might be a hidden partner who knows nothing about these flirty bombs that he drops.

You should not be a crumb, or dessert, you deserve to be the whole bloody 5 course meal. Move out, if you feel any less than that, believe me it’s not worth it.

3. Benching

This is what a cushioner would do to you. You are reserved as a girlfriend, or boyfriend. But there is no progress. Many years of dating, but no clear commitment to marry you. If they want to wait till their other sibling gets married to introduce you to their parents, trust me, there’s something wrong. They love attention, flirting, texts and likes on their Facebook profile picture but you are definitely not number one in their lives. Maybe you were at one point, but right now they have so many options altogether but keeping you as a safety net.

Stand up from the damn bench, its time to wake up.

4. Ghosting or The Slow Fade

Many know what ghosting is, it is completely cutting communication suddenly without any warning. The Slow Fade is cutting it out slowly, giving so many excuses, less meet ups, less and less interest, minimal communication. “I’m so busy at work’’ ‘'I worked late today, came home late’’ it can be even something super simple like this.

If you feel that you are being a victim, address the white elephant. Don’t wait.

There’s no hard and fast rule, but if your heart says there’s something wrong probably there is. If you feel that he or she might be cheating on you or your friend, the odds are that they are. If you want to have a long phone call every day, say it, if you want to go on a romantic date every week, do it. If you want them to acknowledge you on social media, accept you as their fiancé in public, post it. If you feel that there are intimacy issues, address it even seek help of a counselor. Don’t blindly be in a relationship, open your eyes, open your heart, because you deserve to be respected, recognized and valued.