3 DON’Ts on social media grieving in Sri Lanka

Thank god we didn’t have Facebook or offensive meme’s in 1996. We celebrated world cup victory in the most joyous sweetest possible way. Why? Because no one gave OPINIONS on cricketers or batting styles or the pitch. Whilst the social media culture is such that everyone finds humor in insulting others, now it is a trend to grieve on social media: here are few DON’T’s to follow.

1.       1. Updating pictures of corpses/open caskets

This usually is posted by some random person obviously not immediate family or a close friend. It usually has a statement too, ‘’I miss you maami’’

Trust me, no uncle wouldn’t want the entire cyber world to miss her like that. Not with a picture of his open casket. How many times do people edit pictures on apps before uploading a selfie? Reason: you want to look your best !

So why do you think someone else want themselves to be posted like that?

2.       2. RIP on the wall of deceased or tagging the deceased

Does the family know? Does his or her siblings/children who might be studying overseas know? No one wants to wake up to a Facebook status of a close friend or relative passing away.

Do your background check first !

You might be shocked ! you might be devastated ! guess what, so are their families.

Let them post first. Let them grieve first. Let them accept the harsh reality first.

Then post, something respectable, true and memorable.

3.      3.  Suicide updates and gossip : ‘what if’ and ‘what might have been’

The truth is you wouldn’t know and you never will. So don’t assume and don’t imagine. Don’t share gossip articles with your own opinion of how silly/stupid she or he was. Remember all these posts can be viewed and shared. Do you want to hurt a grieving family or loved ones with your nasty opinions? Spreading gossip of the deceased is just inhuman, remember : they are not there to defend themselves !

Depression is a common disorder anyone could have, anyone can be the next victim. Be more supportive.

It is great that you have a social media account and you are active on it. Move with the times and trends. But when you give your opinion, be truthful, be careful and most importantly be human.

Romali... she Lived . Laughed . Loved... beyond measures, beyond boundaries

There was this phase where I used to write about my best friends, one day Roma told me ‘’write about me after you finished writing about all your best friends, or they will hate me !’’

I wish you could read this Rom, this is to you Dinali De Silva and everyone else who love her !

If Romali saw all these posts on FB she would tell us ‘’oh gosh don’t be so dramatic’’ she would do that famous eyeroll of hers too you know.

‘Romali was beautiful’ is an understatement. She was breathtakingly gorgeous. Someone once told me that she looks like Priyanka Chopra. ‘’Hell no, she is way more hotter’’ someone else who had a crush on her said. The beauty of it is, she didn’t know how gorgeous she was. Sometimes she was genuinely surprised when someone pays her a compliment. She used to blush when someone says she looks good. She was not that Barbie type of girl who would give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek and say ‘’hello !’’. She was a tomboy. She would punch you, hit you, squeeze you or bite you, then will tell you she loves you. She was very mischievous and extremely naughty, I don’t think you can find a picture where she has posed with a poised smile (Okay maybe except her LinkedIN picture) She would widen her eyes, or wink and stick her tongue out for a picture. Her signature pose, we called it. Some days when she used to come to work late and I give her a good lecture, she apologizes. She is not one of those people who justify. When she did something wrong she was guilty. And she just didn’t stay guilty, she went beyond measures to fix it. Whenever she had a deadline at work, she used to send me emails at 1am or 2am at night. She does what has to be done, no excuses.

She was so unpredictable, you didn’t know what she was up to. She followed her heart all the time, never thought about consequences which got her millions of lectures by everyone who loved her. One day she suddenly messaged me on Whatsapp. (And yes she was 24/7 on whatsapp) ‘ I got a tattoo yesterday, don’t tell anyone’ Imagining aunty’s reaction I was like ‘aunty knows?’, ‘no they don’t, I hope they won’t find it out anytime soon’ I think aunty would be the best person to tell this story coz obviously this action of hers got her into a dramatic chaos at home. The tattoo was a trademark and tagline of Romali. Live. Love. Laugh. Romali was full of emotion. She tells you what she feels exactly, nothing more nothing less. She is crazy, one of the healthiest appetites in Colombo, she eats when she needs to and diets when she wants to. Once we received a voucher for a cinnamon buffet lunch at work, and man she did justice. She told me when I was struggling with a plate of pasta, ‘you should never go eat in a buffet men, such a waste you are’ then the next week she diets. And when she does, she goes all out. Sticks to salads. Once we tried doing this ‘fruit flush diet’ at office and she was the only one who continued it till the end. Her level of discipline surprises me. She was never one of those princess type girls, Romali was a gym addict. She loved her workouts. Oh and she is a great cook. Not to make sandwiches, but the real stuff. She used to make this biriyani and butter chicken which I used to love.

She loved her life, she loved going out, checking new places and restaurants. She loved her parties and dancing. Once she called me a ‘party watcher’ saying I don’t have enough fun at parties. One of my favourite things about her was her subtle sarcasm and her sense of humor. The best part of it was that she could laugh at herself. And she did.

Behind the rebellious, mischievous, cheeky girl was a responsible, compassionate, caring soul. If you look closely, you see her mother through her. You will see her beautiful heart. Romali was a giver, she was generous, she was compassionate and extremely affectionate. Her affection and love to everyone she cared about was visible within her whatsapp messages, random hugs she gave, calling ‘fatty’, selfies she takes with them… or she might just say ‘you are such a fool’

She was my crazy little sister, an amazing friend, that one person whome i could count on. She was a person who never judged me, but only loved me.

She was my person...

Romali, Roman, Roma, Goms, Rom, Ro….

LIVED every moment, LAUGHED everyday, LOVED beyond limits….

We love you Romali…

We will LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. unconditionally… and every time we do, we will think of you…

90’s – a decade of Imperfection, Bollywood and Cheesy Romance…

Dedicated to my 90’s girls, the absolutely beautiful souls I was blessed to grow up with <3 span="">

Do you remember the 90s?

The landline phones – no CLI, you have no option but to recognize who is on the other end… so many prank calls. The free tattoos that came with bubble gum wrappers. The cassette tapes where you always have a blank tape inside so you can record your favourite song on radio.

If someone asked me to describe the 90’s in one word, I’d say ENERGETIC. No decade can ever beat the energy that the 90’s people had, even now… I will bet you anything on this.

It is the best, anyone who disagree have not lived the 90’s. The Bollywood in 90’s is something you cannot get away from…

Everything is over the top, overrated, loud and dramatic… A rich girl falls in love with a poor boy, then they dance around a tree for a song. Boy’s mother falls sick, then there is a song. There was a song for everything, there was a dance for everything.

Past few days I ended up doing a Bollywood dance with my batch mates in school for a school fundraiser. Not a dancer at all, the level of commitment I had to put in for it was high. I wanted to opt out few times, but I felt guilty. With the commitment and the level of energy the rest of them brought in, I was in no position to back off. While some of them packed their children to their inlaw’s house on the days of dancing, some of them left their children and came from Gampaha, some of them who are doctors came for practices after night shifts and some of them even practiced the dance at hospitals between patients. Some might think its crazy, yes that too was a consequence of being a 90’s girl.

Bollywood have taught us a lot, it taught us about loving your parents, loving your best friend (wink), respecting elders… it taught us the value of relationships, of letting go and holding on. It taught us to sympathise and empathise. No one could do romance better than them and no one could bring out emotions as much as them. In a funny way it has taught us about life and 20 years down the line, it still has that impact in us.

Crazy, naïve, overly romantic and silly. We didn’t have Justin Bieber back then, we had Prince William. Thanks to sweet valley obsession we made a love portion with soft drinks and ice cream from school cafeteria and swore and drank it saying ‘’William’’ the point was that Prince William needed to marry one of us. Well it was supposed to be a secret or the spell would break, I think the spell and our hearts both broke when he married Kate anyway. (One of my friends accidently said ‘’Wilson’’ instead of ‘William’ :P – only if Wilson uncle knew this)

I think we are one of the blessed decades to have received love letters (hand written ones, with scented paper) and although we might not have ‘literally’ danced around trees, we were lucky to enjoy the cheesy romance. The movies to songs, everywhere there was emotion. Heightened emotions. Even the lyrics were dramatic. ‘Najane mere dil ko kya, ho gaya… abhi tho abhi, kya abhi ho gaya….’’ Or ‘’quit playing games with my heart, I should have known from the start…’’ or ‘’my heart will go on and on…’’

90’s was not cool, it was not sexy, we didnt ‘duck face’ for photos. We had embarrassingly ugly pictures of ourselves, we had natural hair, we had imperfect shapes and tanned bodies. We didn’t have Kim Kardashains (thank god) or Edward Cullens. We had Shah Rukh Khan, we had Leonardo de Caprio (we loved his haircut – mushroom style from Titanic until every guy on the road copied it) We grew up watching real people, we were fans of people who actually inspired us.

One of the best thing about 90’s was that nothing was perfect. We never tried to be, we never tried too hard, we never tried too much, we were just ourselves.

90’s was about living the moment. It still is, even if it’s a mom with two kids or a wife – we still have that in us to live for the moment. It was a mixture of energy and emotion…

90’s was the decade which was meant to be real not to be perfect ;)

Are you Sri Lankan?

A speech I wrote for a very dear friend :P

Everywhere we travel in the world, we are questioned ‘are you Indian?’ we say NO WE ARE SRI LANKAN. No, we do not get offended because we are called ‘Indians’ but offended on the fact that we are not known as ‘Sri Lankans’. Why? Because there are so many things that make us who we are. Yes surrounded by the Indian Ocean, we have inherited many from our neighbors. From beliefs to religion or fashion to movies to food. We have inherited many by Portuguese, British and Dutch too, and the culture we live in today is a blend of all these strong nations with a flavor of our own and a spirit which can only be our ancestors’.

We love rice and curry, one thing we cannot live without. It is not about food only, whereas farming has been one of the oldest and most respected professions in my country rice and curry brings our people close. In school, during intervals, every classroom has one big parcel of rice where everyone digs into. As simple as it sounds, that has been the first step to friendship for many of us in school.

Food is a huge part in our community, food is about sharing it’s about giving and it’s also about showing your love to another. If you visit someone, in suburbs specially, there is no possible way you could leave the house without having lunch or dinner or atleast a cup of tea. It is in built, and it is a practice that you don’t leave a house without a super sweet cup of tea.

Sri Lankans have large extended families, which can be annoying sometimes when it comes to inquisitiveness of relatives for marriages and exams. We don’t travel in big packs as much as Indians, but the close knit community we have brings out the spirit and liveliness to us every day. Sri Lankans do NOT mind their own business, a bit too nosey, sometimes it is good. Because if there is a wedding or a funeral, and when your family is unable to take care of things on your own there is a whole community who would have your back, and a huge extended family to lean on to.

Talking about Sri Lanka, one thing we cannot forget. Cricket! Heritance from the British, cricket is in us, it is a part of our lives, you go to a housing scheme in any corner in the country you will see a bunch of boys playing cricket on a road, on the beach or somewhere where there is a little bit of space. Cricket is something which we were proud of, which brings us together, which used to be our stress relief from everything. Cricket is in our blood.

Sri Lanka, during the past 50 years have faced many hardships. We have lived through a war which lasted 30 years, we have lost many. Not only lives but a lot more with it.

I remember the central bank bomb blast in Colombo, it was the parents’ day in school and most of the girls were crying standing near the school gate waiting for delayed parents to turn up (not knowing if they would)

Then in 2004, we faced a tragedy– tsunami which swept away more than 30,000 lives. Recovery was hard, very hard. But we survived. Even today if you talk to a Sri Lankan about terrorism we can sympathize, we’ve known it, we’ve seen it, we’ve been through it, and we’ve survived it.

We are emotional yet tough, we are sensitive yet brave. Sri Lankans are very friendly, fun loving, quite real and extremely fierce. We live for today not for tomorrow, we cherish every breath of our lives because we know better than anyone that sometimes tomorrow might not exist.

Next time if you see someone having paint all over a face and dancing for some crazy trumpet music, or if you see a bunch singing loud offkey in a language that makes no sense,

Or if you see someone smiling through tears, laughing through the pain and defending a friend very fiercely…

Tap and ask… ‘Are you Sri Lankan?’

Happy Independence Day Sri Lanka !

Are you Sri Lankan?

A speech I wrote for a very dear friend :P

Everywhere we travel in the world, we are questioned ‘are you Indian?’ we say NO WE ARE SRI LANKAN. No, we do not get offended because we are called ‘Indians’ but offended on the fact that we are not known as ‘Sri Lankans’. Why? Because there are so many things that make us who we are. Yes surrounded by the Indian Ocean, we have inherited many from our neighbors. From beliefs to religion or fashion to movies to food. We have inherited many by Portuguese, British and Dutch too, and the culture we live in today is a blend of all these strong nations with a flavor of our own and a spirit which can only be our ancestors’.

We love rice and curry, one thing we cannot live without. It is not about food only, whereas farming has been one of the oldest and most respected professions in my country rice and curry brings our people close. In school, during intervals, every classroom has one big parcel of rice where everyone digs into. As simple as it sounds, that has been the first step to friendship for many of us in school.

Food is a huge part in our community, food is about sharing it’s about giving and it’s also about showing your love to another. If you visit someone, in suburbs specially, there is no possible way you could leave the house without having lunch or dinner or atleast a cup of tea. It is in built, and it is a practice that you don’t leave a house without a super sweet cup of tea.

Sri Lankans have large extended families, which can be annoying sometimes when it comes to inquisitiveness of relatives for marriages and exams. We don’t travel in big packs as much as Indians, but the close knit community we have brings out the spirit and liveliness to us every day. Sri Lankans do NOT mind their own business, a bit too nosey, sometimes it is good. Because if there is a wedding or a funeral, and when your family is unable to take care of things on your own there is a whole community who would have your back, and a huge extended family to lean on to.

Talking about Sri Lanka, one thing we cannot forget. Cricket! Heritance from the British, cricket is in us, it is a part of our lives, you go to a housing scheme in any corner in the country you will see a bunch of boys playing cricket on a road, on the beach or somewhere where there is a little bit of space. Cricket is something which we were proud of, which brings us together, which used to be our stress relief from everything. Cricket is in our blood.

Sri Lanka, during the past 50 years have faced many hardships. We have lived through a war which lasted 30 years, we have lost many. Not only lives but a lot more with it.

I remember the central bank bomb blast in Colombo, it was the parents’ day in school and most of the girls were crying standing near the school gate waiting for delayed parents to turn up (not knowing if they would)

Then in 2004, we faced a tragedy– tsunami which swept away more than 30,000 lives. Recovery was hard, very hard. But we survived. Even today if you talk to a Sri Lankan about terrorism we can sympathize, we’ve known it, we’ve seen it, we’ve been through it, and we’ve survived it.

We are emotional yet tough, we are sensitive yet brave. Sri Lankans are very friendly, fun loving, quite real and extremely fierce. We live for today not for tomorrow, we cherish every breath of our lives because we know better than anyone that sometimes tomorrow might not exist.

Next time if you see someone having paint all over a face and dancing for some crazy trumpet music, or if you see a bunch singing loud offkey in a language that makes no sense,

Or if you see someone smiling through tears, laughing through the pain and defending a friend very fiercely…

Tap and ask… ‘Are you Sri Lankan?’

Happy Independence Day Sri Lanka !

Drunk confession on love

This is was told to me by a drunk person whose very close to my heart, I wrote down what I remember and I don't think anyone could make such a classy honest drunk confession than this person !

Read and comment if you disagree ;)

"What is love? Can anyone define it? No.

You meet a person and you think you like him, you believe that you are in love and you make a choice to spend rest of your life with that person.

Falling in love is easy, it happens just in a click, you think you can fall in love with a person by looking at him or by listening to him talk, his accent or maybe how his hair flips or I don’t know maybe the way he eats. Its easy, you look and you think – I love him !

But what happens is, we forget, we forget that we are grown people. When we hit thirty we are a finished product. We cannot be customized, you might hate the way he eats or shower or dress, but these habits have been moulded and instilled during twenty something years.

But still you make a choice, to live with it, to live with that person despite all the irritable habits. Because by now, with years of learning and brains you tend to overlook the little things and look beyond. You look into the core of the other person, trying to understand.

Isn’t it all about understanding?

When both people have reached the same level mentally, you tend to understand and accept. Accept all the little things you don’t like, and the habits that irritate you. Why? Its not only love ! it is because you realize that he or she is a complete different person and you respect that difference.

It is all about respecting and accepting the difference.
Then you try to find the balance, that middle ground to connect. It may come from family, school, education, something maybe… Somewhere down the line you find the things that click, that connects you to the other person. Looks fade, lifesytles change… you fall out of love, you fall out of like…

And somewhere down the line, you connect deeply to the core of another person, through disagreements, arguments, fights and so many other differences,
You find a balance,

you find home...."