Ending relationship with a best friend : How can we deal? How can we heal?

 

I started watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S again and watched the episode where Monica gets Rachel and Pheobe to decide on who would be her maid of honor. Rachel had a box collected with a few things for Monica’s wedding, from small days hoping to be her maid of honor. We all can relate to this, because in our generation we all have a childhood bestie who knew your weirdest secrets, heartbreaks, seen you at your ugliest, and accepted the worst version of you. Every best friend at some point in life, have owned you, taken responsibility to protect you from bad relationships and had fallouts with your exes. Every one of us has a Rachel to Monica, Blair to Serena and Christina to Meredith. The episode where Christina leaves Grey’s Anatomy, is way more heartbreaking than anyone dying because, alongside Meredith you grieve for that lost friendship. There are enough playbooks and guides to get over your bad boyfriends but not a single one about how to cope up when you lose your best friend.

Losing a best friend is extremely hard because you feel as if a part of you just left. It can be a fallout, a breakup or simply just losing a friend to any other circumstances. It could be your bestie migrating, a breach of friendship that is too hurtful to continue, or anything else. How do we deal with it? More importantly, how do we heal?

Acknowledge it is over, let yourself grieve

Most of the time, this is unprepared and it hurts you because that is one relationship you never expected to end. Falling out with a best friend who has been your soulmate or person when every other thing went wrong is difficult. It is not something you can brush off, or move on the next day. It is something that will take time to heal, your body will grieve, and it’s okay. Sit with your grief, understand what the loss means to you and accept those feelings wholeheartedly.

Moving on, get the closure you need

Like every other relationship, your friendship needs closure too. After accepting that this person won’t be there for you, understand critically what went wrong. Have you made any mistakes? How can you grow from it? After all, humans evolve, and self-reflection is the best way to do it. It is important to let yourself remember that there were good memories, and keep them a part of you as you carry on to the next phase.

Ask for help, it's okay

You can fall apart, lose yourself, or not know whom to turn to anymore. That is completely okay, healing requires acknowledging everything you feel and taking it one step at a time. You can seek help from other friends, peer groups, and family to overcome your loss. It might be important for your growth to fully comprehend what happened, and get genuine feedback and constructive criticism from people who care about you.

Cherish the friends who are there for you, don’t make it ugly, because who knows, sometimes you don’t choose friends, they are destined.

Set them free, if they are destined to be with you, they will always come back.

 

P.S. Having lost two best friends: one to Leukemia and another to Dengue; all I know is that life is too short to fight over silly stuff, also too short to be in toxic relationships.