I know a few couples
who went rough patches during this time, and some who have parted ways. One day I
asked my husband, why is that? What do you think of love in the time of Covid.
He said it either makes you or
breaks you. Anyone experiencing change of relationships for better or for
worse? I think it starts with you as an individual, Covid changed us as
individuals completely to begin with, I don’t blame my husband for seeing me as
an alien as I sure acted like one at some point.
There are some who actually aced through Covid (there were couples who got married despite so many postponed wedding dates), some survived it, some strengthened relationships with minimum hustle. For the ones who survived I’m sure gave you a completely different outlook. Here are few things that might have happened to us despite age during the new normal.
See the partner through magnified
glasses
The habits you knew that existed in your partner heightens during the lockdown, the good, the bad and the ugly habits. In a normal circumstance, you go to work and come home whereas if it is a guy who smokes and wife knows this only partially would actually notice the no of times he smokes. If it is a wife who always speaks to friends on phone, husband despite how many years he was married would have been oblivious to this until he is stuck with her during lockdown to notice it (no not me, unfortunately I was WFH didn’t have time for phone conversations), so during Covid, we see our partner through magnifying glasses. Seeing the unseen and seeing it differently, or things you suddenly notice. These habits become very magnified, blurring the rest of the habits, living in one shared space during lockdowns – I don’t blame anyone for having blurry lines.
Accepting the crazy person you turned out to be during lockdown
Anyone else acted like a crazy person during Covid? We humans fear change, reluctant to accept impermanence despite lord Buddha’s preaching, we suffer. We like stability and certainty. Covid meddled with all that, took away our sanity, security and for some of us even finances took a hit with losing jobs to pay cuts. Psychologically, we try to adapt to all these changes and while doing that we react, to everything that happens around us. Out of fear, out of wanting to protect ourselves and family we act like crazy people. I screamed at my husband for going to find butter for a neighbour during lockdown (yes I still think it was unnecessary) but if I had accepted who he is on a magnified sense (someone who would go out of the way to help someone else) I wouldn’t have reacted in that manner. Each individual adapt, react and respond differently to change, sometimes it wont sync with the other partner, despite how much you say ‘my better half’ he or she is a completely different person adapting to things differently, at a completely different pace.
Micromanagers are born
During Covid, we lost control, we
lost control of jobs, social life, security to many things. As a natural
instinct, when you lose control in one aspect, you try to control something
else. Unfortunately for some of us, we had to embrace over controlling,
micromanaging partners. On a normal day, micromanagers have their outlets, be
it baking, gym, any other hobby that lets them completely take control. But
Covid didn’t give you much resources during lockdown nor space, and it ended up
trying to control spouses more and for people who are already victims of
micromanagers, it became a deal breaker.
TMI everywhere
Unfortunately for us, Sri Lankan media did a terrible job during Covid. Ridiculously worthless information with no takeaway, there was no accuracy in some, it just freaked people out and many didn’t know what to believe. Again, humans like structure and process, when there was contradicting information overflowing with no one knowing which source to trust, it didn’t help, not when it meddled with your mind and boosting your anxiety levels.
The truth is Covid changed us, all
of us psychologically, emotionally and physically. The only way to combat it is
accepting that it changed us, accepting that it changed our partners and our
priorities. Once you understand how and what triggered these changes, learning
to look at it differently with a new perspective would be helpful, realigning
your priorities with the partner’s giving each other space to adapt and accept
the new you and respecting the difference while supporting the transition is
the only thing you can do. Afterall, tough times come, bad days happen, life
changes and we adapt, we reconcile, we move on with faith and love for better
or for worse.
