Relationship
experts say that it generally takes 1 to 2 years to forgive a
cheating spouse. Some may forgive immediately, some may take a few months,
others a year or two, and some may never fully forgive.
We talk about cheaters, we say once a
cheater is always a cheater, but we don’t give much credit for the ones who
forgive the cheaters in a relationship, do we?
Be it a man or a woman, being in the receiving end sucks. The one person you share your life, your intimate details, your insecurities and vulnerabilities chooses to share it with someone else without your knowledge. It sucks, it’s like going through hell and back. Cheating doesn’t only count for a physical relationship, it also means letting your mind or heart think, double think or triple think about someone else intimately. When we went to Pre Cana classes before getting married, (these are pre marriage classes conducted by the Catholic Churches in Sri Lanka) they spoke about infidelity and how one should deal with it, rather cope up with it. They said, forgive. I was not able to comprehend the ‘forgive and move on’ part, it needs a so much of guts and an immeasurable amount of grace to do it. I believe that grace is something that are not born with, we need to practice to be graceful every single day.
Then there are ones who are ignorant about being cheated on, or choose not to see it. I’m sure all of us have had that girlfriend who has a partner who was cheating in a very obvious way, we all have gone through the phase of telling her about it, then we all go through the phase of watching being in denial and getting married to him. No. watching her getting married is not the worst part, when she finally catch him red handed, once and then twice, and finally decide to part ways is the worst part. Having to watch your best friend, your sister or your daughter collecting their hopes, dreams and that tiny bit of dignity to walk away to rebuild her life with zero self-confidence is the worst part.
I never
believed in forgiving a cheater anyway, I will lose respect and will never be
able to see eye-to-eye with someone who cheated on me. That’s me, refusing to
have any ounce grace in what so ever. But then, there are so many humans who
forgive their partners, treat them well and live with them for the rest of
their lives. I may not agree with them, but I do have a massive amount of
respect for them. Recently I was reading Rishi Kapoor’s biopic, he starts about
his father (ultra famous Raj Kapoor) with the line:
He was also a man in love – at the time, unfortunately with someone other than my mother.
To accept that his father loved another woman while being married to his mother, publicly, needs a lot of balls. I found it intriguing and amazing. He also mentions how his mother knew about it throughout, and how she welcomed Nargis to her house 20+ plus years later by telling Nargis that she has no bad feelings in her heart about her. Raj Kapoor’s wife, Krishna Raj is known as the iron lady in the industry for her courage and resilience. Then Raj Kapoor’s name was linked with another actress, and Krishna left him with children, lived in a hotel for 8 months till he ended that relationship for good.
‘There comes a point where it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That’s when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all’
Some
people say, it is possible to build a stronger and a better relationship after
one has cheated. What are the side
effects of it, can you trust them again? Can you respect them the same way?
Would you believe in second chances, or are you a strong beholder of ‘people don’t cheat by chance, people cheat by choice’? How many times would one bite the dust? Will someone tolerate cheating twice? I have come across so many who have forgiven and accepted the person for a first time, but haven’t met any who has forgiven in second time. Would you have grace and a really big heart to give someone a third chance?
